


Getting Pulled Over For Speeding, Part I

by ClaireMorgan44



Series: The Life and Times of a Young Plas [1]
Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: Alpha Centauri - Freeform, Gen, Homage to Terry Bisson's Meat, Humor, Mammals, Plasma, Plasma drive, Proxima Centauri, Sentient Plasma, Sirius B, Traffic cops, scifi, speeding ticket
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 11:17:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10410957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireMorgan44/pseuds/ClaireMorgan44
Summary: A Vignette from The Life and Times of a Young Plas.A homage that riffs off of Terry Bisson'sMeatwith a small slice of Pride & Prejudice.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Meat](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/278805) by Terry Bisson. 



By Jenifer Hanen, posting as ClaireMorgan44, also known in other JAFF spaces as ClaireM.

  
The authoress kindly requests that this is read and commented on, but not reproduced elsewhere without permission. Thank you!

 

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"Young Plas, are you aware that you were speeding?"

"Sir!" What Are You had lived long enough to know that answering an officer of the law anywhere in the galaxy positively or negatively usually turned out badly. It was better to field a neutral answer that could not be construed either way. It had worked with that CHP officer on Hwy 111 near Brawley, then again, there had been two mammals in the front seats of the shell and they had done the talking.

"Did not your navigation console in your shell inform you that you had entered Proxima Centauri's heliopause and that you needed to SLOW DOWN!" The older and larger plas was quivering in its shell as it asked this question. What Are You estimated that the officer was at least as old as one turn of the galaxy, not just by its size and officious bearing, but also by its shell choice. The officer's shell was a conservative choice that attempted to show some flair. Its shell was a vintage Toliman era planetary to interstellar shuttle. The shell was shiny, ordered, and obviously looked after with care. There was even room for a few mammals or reptiles in the cockpit area.

What Are You had anticipated this question. Actually, the gifter of his new shell had anticipated this question. She Who Had Previously Owned The Prius had asked her male mammalian podmate relation, a brother she called it, to grind down something she called a VIN number from a few spots on the Prius shell so that it would not be traced back to her in the event that What Are You got pulled over for speeding.

The new Prius shell was delightful in every way, with a few exceptions. Given that the planet it came from was barely space faring - they had just sent a probe out to their own system's heliopause and visited a few planets, its new shell had no modern interstellar or galactic approved navigation system and it was not armored for traversing a planetary atmosphere. She Who Had Previously Owned The Prius and her podmate relation had recommended that What Are You teleport itself and its new shell from the planetary surface to beyond the gravity well of the system's big gas giant before it turned on its plasma drive and start traveling in space in the Prius shell. What Are You had been quite pleased to meet sentient mammalian meat who were modern and forward thinking enough to give it, still a young plas, such sensible advice.

"Young Plas, what is your name?"

"What Are You, sir!"

The older officer was aghast. "You were so fired up to get moving after you received your License to use your Plasma Drive at your first quarter turn of the galaxy that you winked out without being properly named by your parental group pod? And WORSE, you allowed a meat mammal from Sol's third planet to give you a name in their meat language? HOW COULD YOU!" The officer backed up a bit, as it a contagion would spread from What Are You's shell to its shell.

Another Alpha Centauri Plas Traffic Officer winked into their space. It was a young plas, probably only a quarter turn of the galaxy older than What Are You’s current quarter turn. The young officer's shell was a fine, sparkly, iridescent, sleek ovoid space ship of a very modern make from Sirius b.

What Are You's electrical flashes were nearly a violent shade of green-blue in lust and envy. Its parent group pod had been correct, What Are You would need to stop flitting here and there and get a real job if it wanted to purchase such a fine bespoke interstellar spaceship as its next shell.

The officers communicated to each other on a private channel and then younger of the two asked for What Are You's Plasma Drive License and its Galactic Passport. What Are You sent them over willingly has it tried to squelch its electrical flashes, but it was hard to stay neutral about the young officer's rather amazing shell.

"I see that you are from Sirius system of the Osiris Agrippa pod."

"Yes, Sir!"

"Thank you." The young officer gave back What Are You's passport and license. "When I ran your license it appears that you very recently were pulled over near Toliman for a non-space worthy shell and two mammals from Sol as passengers. Can you explain the situation, please?"

"Ah, yes, I can. When I first got my license..."

The older officer jumped in, "The young idiot was too excited to wait for its parental group pod to properly name it and then take it out on its first interstellar drive. It leaped over to Sol's third planet before it became a space faring civilization. Is this not true, What Are You Osiris Agrippa Sirius b?"

What Are You squirmed in its new Prius shell. "In my defense, I was so excited to pass my exams with flying colors - I took my exams here at Proxima Centauri - that it was just a small simple leap to Sol's third planet. I forgot in my elation that they had not yet built space going vehicles for me to take on as a new shell when I grew. Thus, the first nearly empty shell I found when I needed a new one was something called a Barouche Box carriage by Bingley & Sons. Unfortunately, it came with two mammals both very voluble and silly. Sir!"

The young officer leaned in, "Why did you not wait the small fraction of time for them to build space faring vehicles? One of my colleagues just obtained an excellent retired space shuttle from that same third planet’s mammal civilization."

What Are You could not explain itself. Time was fluid. Time could be jumped, at least forward when one plasma drove beyond the speed of light. The mammals’ time, while two centuries were long to them, it was barely a fraction of a portion of a day to a plas. If it could sweat, it would. Instead, it could not control its electrical flashes. Damn.

"Sir, both of the mammals in the Barouche Box were very demanding. La! demanded that I take her to the best parties and balls. My Patroness Is The Esteemed Catherine de Bourgh demanded that I take my new shell back to its Patroness. Whatever a Patroness is. It sounded rather terrible, so I listened to La! instead and took them and the non-space worthy shell to Toliman for the mammal parties on its fourth rock and water planet. La! loved it so much that we got too delayed for me to return them to Sol's third planet within their own lifetime..."

Its excuses sounded lame even to it. It quite liked La!, as La! made it laugh with her silly talk, visual ideas, and jokes. What Are You had a fine time with La! For all of La! being a meat based mammal, she was good at communicating on a mental channel with a young plas, as much as meat could communicate with plasma.

The older officer could not listen to any more of this nonsense! It communicated to the young officer on the public channel in an effort to make What Are You squirm, "I take it that you will handle this idiotic young speeding plas in an official manner? Please make sure it understands that traveling over or near the speed of light within a star system's heliopause is very dangerous to everyone: plasma, meat, liquid, gas, and rock alike. Make sure that it purchases a navigation and speed measuring device for its shell with in half of a galactic day. I am being called to base." The young officer gave the affirmative and the older one winked out but not before giving What Are You a blast of Disgust.

 

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© 2017 - all rights reserved by Jenifer Hanen, posting as ClaireMorgan44, [blackphoebe.com](http://blackphoebe.com/msjen/)

  
  
  
  



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